What Will The Media do Without Above-Average White Kids?

white is the new black

This is the worst possible national title matchup for the media. Watching the Memphis/UCLA game with my folks back in Memphis, it was painfully obvious who all involved in the broadcast wanted (read: hoped) to win.

What you and I might see as a titillating (heh heh) Kansas/Memphis game of speed-on-speed, well, the national media is lost looking for a prominent honky to fluff. ("honky" or "honkey"? somebody help a brother out)

No Tyler "Psycho T" Hansbourgh?!? No Kevin "Full Court 3" Love?!? WTF? Who will Dicky V filate? Who will Billy Packer fudge pack? Now, don't get me wrong, Kansas has more than their fair share of Caucasians, but none that I could pick out of a lineup at the Whole Foods.

Then their's Memphis. The team that the national media is embrasing with all the warmth of a disapproving mother-in-law. What is Memphis' latest problem? Coaching, foul shooting, crime, street ball...Even the NCAA committee hates Memphis and loves North Carolina. (guess which 1 seed got to play every game up to the final four in it's home state while the other 1 seed got to play an elite 8 game in the 2 seed's backyard).

Instead of a combined 15 national championships playing in the title game, we've got a combined 2 (Kansas 2, Memphis 0). And lets talk in stereotypes here... Let's say what the media would like to say. Kansas is a boring assed little state in the middle of the country with only 3 million boring assed people, while Memphis is a police state governed by Nazi-Taliban where the "residents" are as likely to stabrapeshootkill you as look at you.

So how do you sell this game if you're some ACC gargling ESPN/CBS douche? Somebody tell me, who's tonight's featured "smart," "old-school," "unselfish," "fundamentally sound" WASPy Jayhawk?


white people are overrated


Related...

Word out of San Antonio is Derrick Rose is having some stomach issues...

"He eats Gummy Bears and Starburst for breakfast, and Twizzlers and Honey Buns for dinner. That's why his stomach hurts," fellow guard Chris Douglas-Roberts said. "We tell Derrick the whole year, 'Stop eating so many Gummy Bears and Sour Straws.' But he can't. ... Nobody eats Gummy Bears more than him."

Sunday afternoon, Rose walked into a scheduled group interview with all the starters and coach John Calipari, then went over to Calipari and whispered something to him. They went into the hall together, then Calipari returned alone.

"He said his stomach was bothering him," Calipari said. "I told him to go back and see the trainer."

That story leads me to this clip. I don't think Rose was so much pissed about the question as he was pissed that he just sharted his warm-ups. See, star athletes really are just like you and me...

The Kige Party

Well, it looks like Kige has finally hopped on the Hilltopper's bandwagon. Yeah, I know Kige supposedly goes to Western Kentucky, but his "set" has always been decorated in the big blue of The flagship Wildcats. Now, it looks like Kige's cleaned out the WKU book store with all kinds of attractive and classy memorabilia. (Momma's gonna wear his hide slap out when she finds that money missin' fromunda the mattress)

My favorite part of this installment includes Kige's visually aided history lesson about Western's totally awesome towel mascot. (complete with simulated crying):



How can you not root for Kige's new team, the 12 seed Hilltoppers over UCLA? Your bracket's already FUBAR...I say, Go Fighting Towels.



- tonight's slate of games [sportsline]

Bracket BS - My Duke Hate Runneth Over

Krzyzewski: "Skinny, White and Crying...Welcome aboard son."

What a boring assed first day. The only game I really, actually watched was Belmont/Duke, which just so happened to cause a pandemic of erectile dysfunction across this great nation.

Nothing gets me more excited (in March) than watching Duke, and all those white bitches lose. (Damn, I hate white people) Conversely, nothing is more frustrating than seeing those Caucasian cock-bastards pull one out. (Who knew that Nashville's Belmont Bruins would become Amercia's team for at least 15 minutes)

Why do I hate them? I ask you, why do we hate Ryan Seacrest? It's much the same. Because half the country somehow loves him, he's enormously successful, busy and seemingly intelligent...but in the back of our minds we're still thinking, "I wanna kick this guy's ass...He's a textbook scrote...I could totally kick that guys ass...I wanna wipe that smirk off his fancy, gelled up head."

You know, just typical stuff like that. Plus the unAmerican, soccer style flops don't help, not to mention the high free throw percentages (who practices that s**t?).

All this leads me to my Top Five Most Hated Duke Honkies Of All Time:

5. Shane Battier - Well...he's a half honky at least. (hence the #5 ranking) He's just a perfect angel isn't he... Except for his "Ruffles have Ridges" scalp and the fact that he pronounces his name like the French do, but he's from Michigan?? (Actually, I love the guy...that's all I've got - He's one of the few Dukies who actually has a somewhat successful basketball career...cause he's half black you know)

4. J.J. Reddick - This guy epitomizes "In Your Face, Cocky, Smirking Duke Douche." Loved his DUI...love that he was a top 15 pick in the draft and is now averaging 3 points a game for the Magic.

3. Christian Laettner - I going a different direction than most here. (my list rewards recent douchebaggery) Laettner was a pioneering Duke Dick-Bandit. He set the bar high in the 90's and inspired little future-douche bags to reach for the stars!

2. Josh McRoberts - This guy just looks like a big goofy asshole. Plus, he was cocky enough to think he could leave college after his Sophomore year?!? Now, Josh, was it your 13 points a game or your 3.5 assists that screamed, "I'm ready for The League"? Well, he wasn't. He even got demoted to the NBA's Developmental league last year. Way to go, Douche.

1. Greg Paulus - This guy's scrote quotient potential is off the charts! Being the only current member of the Blue Devil squad, Greg has obviously internalized much of his "fore-father's" douchiness. In the tradition of J.J., Greg flops and smirks with the best Euro-trash. Like his former honky teammate, McRoberts, he's an overrated, girly bitch. And thanks to The Blue Devils amazing comeback win over juggernaut 15 seed Belmont, Paulus lives on to douche another day. Hopefully, Greg won't take his 11 points and 3 assists to the NBA D-League anytime soon.



Links:

Duke, This is why you suck [youtube]
More Duke Hate [TruthAboutDuke]