"Go Mississippi"?
Something tells me, headless dude's Ole Miss fandom will be short lived. "Soul Crushing Fail" is Col. Reb's middle name. (Remember this, or this?!)
Showing posts with label SEC Fans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SEC Fans. Show all posts
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
See, Ole Miss Fans Can Be Douche Bags Too
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Deep South's Guide to What's Good For You in Birmingham

SEC Baseball Tournament Edition (read: Hoover-centric)
This fall, I'll have been living in the greater Birmingham area for a decade, and if there's one thing I've learned during my stay, it's that I love to eat and drink well.
Best Place to Stay for Guys - Ross Bridge Resort

Hoover, Alabama 35226 USA
(205) 916-7677
It's bad ass. Looks like a European castle, but with an awesome pool and championship golf. Bonus: It's romantic enough that you might even get a little extra special wife/girlfriend action.
Best Place to Stay for the Ladies - The Wynfrey
1000 Riverchase Galleria
Hoover, Alabama 35244
(205) 987-1600
Your woman's not that into baseball? She should be ok in this Bama classy hotel attached to one of the largest malls in the southeast. This is also where SEC Football Media Days is held every year, so it's obviously not too demasculinating.
Best place for lunch - Cajun Steamer

Ste. 200
Hoover, AL 35244
Phone: (205) 985 - 7785
If you like fried goodness, this is the place. It's laid back, quick and good. In central Alabama, it's the closest thing you can get to "Mother's" in NOLA.
Best Mexican - Iguana Grill (review)
2085 Colonial Drive, Suite 101
(In the Plaza Fiesta off Lorna Rd. in Hoover)
(205) 987-8240
Well worth it and relatively close to the stadium. Women love the atmosphere, food it great for an underwhelming price. They even give you two different types of salsa.
Best Pizza - Tortugas (review)

Hoover, AL 35244
(205) 403-9800
If you like Chicago style (real deep dish) pizza, this place is a must. A lot of native Chicagans (??) say it's as good or better than anything you can get in Ditka-ville. It's outstanding, but it can take awhile to cook. My advice: call ahead.
Best place to watch Sports - Buffalo Wild Wings
2772 John Hawkins Parkway
Suite 100
Hoover, AL 35244
I don't think I'm gonna tell you anything new about this place. Good food (even corndog nuggets for the Bengal Tiger in you) and big screens. Sadly, I have to endorse BWW over the local Bob "Bammer" Baumhower's Wings. I'm usually not gonna steer anybody to the national chain over the local business, but Buffalo Wild Wings does it better in every aspect of the Sports Bar game and if not for the Bama fan contingent ("Gotta support Bear's Boys"), Wings would be gone baby, gone.
Best Steak - Fleming's

Birmingham AL 35243
205-262-WINE (9463)
If you don't mind dropping some serious coin, this is the place for you. Ruth's Chris can't hold Fleming's loin strap. Best Steak I've Ever Had. No shit. And there is nothing in the culinary world I love more than a great cut of beef. Get the bone-in Ribeye ($42, a la carte). Very nice wine list as well.
Best All Around Fine Dining - Highlands Bar and Grill (reviews)
2011 11th Avenue South
Birmingham, AL 35205
(205) 939-1400
This is the top of the food chain in Birmingham. It's on the Southside, so it requires a little more effort, but it's so very worth it. See why Gourmet Mag ranked Frank Stitt's flagship Top 5 in the nation. The menu is seasonal, but it's all outstanding. Southern/French with a upscale bar scene full of Cougars waiting to pounce.
Best Place to Drink Beer and Listen to Live Music in a "Garden" - The J. Clyde

Birmingham, Alabama 35205
(205) 939-1312
The Perfect pub for those who've graduated from the typical college bar (see: Innisfree) Technically The J. Clyde is a "beer garden" because of it's awesome, lush back patio and it's bonerific two hundred some-odd available beers. I wrote more about it here.
Best Sushi - Jensei (review)
1820 29th Ave. South (SoHo)
Homewood, AL 35209
(205) 802-1440
If the Crunchy Shrimp Roll is the extent of your Sushi experience, well you might want to skip this place, asshole. Jensei is the best, most serious Sushi establishment in Alabama. Even so, when you step in the little restaurant, you'll feel like you're in swank Manhattan. Sit at the Sushi bar (if you can find a seat anywhere) and watch these culinary ninjas kick some raw ass. You're guarenteed a happy ending at Jinsei.
Best (and only) Dueling Piano Bar - Twist and Shout

Birmingham, AL 35205
(205)933-2033
As you can tell, the nightlife is on the Southside of Birmingham. If you're looking for a little more entertainment than The J. Clyde can offer, walk on over to the ill-named T&S in the Five Points area (next to perennial late, late night hook up spot, Bellbottoms) T&S is a good "main event" bar for a big night out. Sandwich it between pre-gaming at a relaxed place like The J. Clyde and a late night, booze fueled "last stop on the skank-train," the aforementioned Bellbottoms.
This is meant to be an ever-expanding guide to what's good for you in Birmingham. Check back for updates as I continue to explore the surprising wealth of cool shit to do/eat in Bham.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
SEC Recrootin' Roundup


Be the envy of everyone with eyes: Get this limited edition, Crimson Tider Championship Letter Jacket. We'll even sew on the '08 National Recrootin' Championship patch at no additional charge!!! [e-bay, seriously]
Well, the second college football "season" is now over [/sarcasm], and It appears that Bama's won their Thirteenth Nation Championship!!! (more on that later). Soon, I'll be forced to put out my 2008 recrootin' All-Name team and that will require me to do some actual "research" and "work" when publishing this blog. Not Cool, but I digress.
Here comes my jaded opinions on all thing crootin' in the best college football conference in the universe (note: it's not the Big-ten)...
Alabama - The University of Saban rules your ass! Yes, he may get owned by the Sun-Belt on the gridiron, but your momma and grand-momma are putty in Nick's supple hands. When it comes to telling people what they want to hear, Saban has no equal, and he proved it on February 6th. Gotta give him credit. He worked his little ass off to find "character" souljas to build his kingdom with. I find it impressive that all the top rated players in the state (and around the south) just so happened to also be "high character." Cause that was the problem with Shula's recruits, right?...They lacked character.

No longer will Bama fans have to live in jealousy of schools who have achieved success in the last decade, for they too are National Champions*!
Arkansas - The importance of Ryan Mallet cannot be understated. He won't show up on the sheet for this class, but he's a huge get for a school that hasn't had a legit passer since the cold war. He WILL NOT be playing this fall, despite his pending appeal, but think about all the potentially highly entertaining QBs we'll have in the SEC come 2009 (Mallet, Snead, Starr, Burns, not to mention Tebow and Stafford) By the way, De'Anthony Curtis has a supurb first name, plus he's a straight Manimal. Behold...
De'Anthony's badassery (warning: annoying rap song accompaniment)
Auburn - This is what happens when you lose coordinators who actually matter (sorry Major!) I'm not saying this is a bad class either, it's not. Make no mistake: Auburn ended poorly because Auburn lost big time assistants, and there's no school in the SEC where the assistants play a bigger role in every aspect of the program. This doesn't have as much to do with Tuberville and the infighting over contracts or any of that mess. Do you think recruits care about any of that? Hell no. They care about who calls them ever week. Who writes them every day. Who they think they can trust. Who runs the scheme that features they skillz. And at Auburn, those people were Tubby's first lieutenants' Borges and Muschamp. Fact is, keep Borges, keep Enrique, among others. Keep Muschamp, keep Trahan, among others. This class looks a little different then, now doesn't it? In Auburn recruiting, Tuberville is merely the closer. Well, this year, Tommy didn't have his foot solders in position to kill a damn thing (therefore, not much closing going on). That does go back to Saban actually. Nick is changing recruiting in this state. He is a heartless, soulless machine who Croots hard year round and demands the same of his staff (such is the reason nobody on his staff likes him). He's actually on the front lines (as opposed to most head men) Lets face facts Auburn fans...Tuberville is going to have to change his methods/work ethic or else he's gonna get burned badly in the talent department.

Auburn's gonna miss this MF 'ER!!!
Florida - Another awesome recruiting class to augment the group of young studs residing in Gainesville. The Gates pulled national badasses out of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Alabama, Texas, Georgia and California. Is Urban out-recrootin' his predecessor, the Zooker? I'd have to say so. But after the talent that [name redacted] built, the national championship, and the fact they it's effing Florida, was there ever any doubt? I've always said, recruiting to UF is akin to convincing Katrina victims to cash their FEMA checks.

Tim can't wait for the freshmeat to arrive!
Georgia - In a state with about 25 out-freaking-standing football players every year (4-star types) and no real natural predators, UGA's usually got it made. I would dare say that Richt has the best/most-laid back offseason job in College football. That's right, I said it. In Athens, recruiting is a breeze, expectations aren't that insane (with the obvious exception of the current off-season) and the Georgia fans don't often overreact. Think about it...UGA is like coaching at LSU without the rabid coonasses and multiple, recent BCS championships to live up to every season...With a much richer recruiting base. If you can hold serve at Georgia, you're top 10 in recruiting without breaking a sweat. Imagine if Lord Saban was recruiting for The Dawgs?

Georgia's earned tons of hype as we look towards spring - the best thing Stafford and Co. can do, take a vacation from it all...get back to the basics at Dega
Kentucky - After the kinds of seasons KY has been churning out the last few years (read: Friggin Bowl Games) these recruiting classes are not up to par. At least at first glance. Plus, UK only signed 20 and no quarterback? Sounds like old-man Brooks is gettin' a little lazy in his formative years.

Rich seems to think he can keep that ^^^ ^ up with these no-talent classes - More power to you, Coach
LSU - This was a down year for Louisiana talent, and therefore translated into a down year for LSU talent. Fortunately for the Bengal Tigers, a down year in Cajun means, "Not quite a Top 10 National class, but top 15, sure." The Tigas pride themselves on owning their home state, and they sure enough did, supposedly taking home everyone they wanted. High functioning, lucky retard, Les Miles also landed the #1 Corner in the nation, Patrick Johnson, out of Urban's backyard. Pretty good for a mouth breather!

"Fan rings?!? Why didn't Bama think of that? Cuz humans ain't got 13 fingers, asshole" (SbB)
Mississippi State - Croom's boys had an overall "mehhh" class highlighted by a few players any program would want... Like Templeton Hardy (DT) and Charles Mitchell (DB) However, there is an extremely large no-talenet ass-clown quotient. Seriously, it's like a who's-who of nobodies. However, there is one player we're psyched about who's back for his second straight year of recrootin'! This name will always catch my eye...
"Hi, I think we've met before...I'm Michael Hunt."
Ole Miss - Wow. Nutt busts a little "Happy Signing Day Surprise" on Rebel fans. It's certainly a change for the better. Going back a long time, Ole Miss fans are used to getting shat upon on signing day. Not that this class is amazingly awesome or anything, but it's just nice to get some good news in February for a change. In the last several years, Col. Reb has been on the short lists of a variety of "big name" backs (Frank Gore, Keiland Williams, Joe McKnight), only to end up dick in hand. The stud RBs always flirted, but never seemed to give it up the dotted line. Well, all that changed in '08 when Nutt, to his credit, reeled in supposed Bo Jackson impersonator and 5-star, Enrique Davis. The rest of the class is pretty ho-hum: some honkies, a few questionable quarterbacks and B-listers. I guess after you go 0-8 in the SEC and fire your ravenous head-coach, it's actually not too shabby.

Rev. Nutt just got a little more popular, ladies and gents
South Carolina - The Cocks supposedly "filled a lot of needs" (recruit-nerd speak for "It's not as good as last year...yeah it kinda sucks") Spurrier certainly did not finish strong and inexplicably got his ass handed to him by Tommy Bowden??? I think this class shows evidence that Steve is growing weary of his Gamecock experiment. Did he really think he could possibly recapture the magic he had in Gainesville? Me thinks that "magic" could more so be attributed to the population boom of the sunshine state in the 60's and 70's (See also: Poppa Bowden at FSU and various successful coaches at "Tha U"). That's my personal theory.

If Tommy Bowden (L) and Steve Spurrier (R) started a family
Tennessee - Apparently not too many youngsters were wishin' they was on Ole Rocky Top come this fall. In fact, this has to be the most embarrassing big orange signing class of my life time. The talent level is more indicative of East Tennessee State University...Oh, they quit playing football a few years back? (Whores!) Maybe Middle Tennessee State then. No...seriously, it's not that bad, but it's one of the worst in the SEC. Plus it's pretty flaccid at only 18 signees? I've always said Fulmer does less with more...but now he's just gonna have to learn to do even less with less.

desperate times in Knoxville
Vanderbilt - Bobby Johnson is not going to blow anyone away with this signing class, even by Vandy standards. The best player (most sought after) has to be three-star, DeAndre Jones, a linebacker out of Memphis University School. One thing I will say, there are entirely too many white kids in this signing class. And I'm not saying that Vandy needs to do any affirmative action bull, I'm just saying if they want to win at football, which is ostensibly why you field a team in the SEC, they need to drop all these slow-assed Honkies...STAT! As evidenced by his lack of recruiting prowess, Bobby Johnson must be one hell of an on-the-field coach to be sniffin' 4-5 wins a year.

Nothing sums up Vandy's 2008 class like Britney birthing The Looter (actually, I just like this picture)
*Rivals Recrootin' National Champions
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Bama Fan of the Week
Sponsored by The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
I ask you, who needs toned, universally attractive painted supermodels when you've got this Bama Skank?

If you're not blind yet, notice the beautiful houndstooth hat adorning this young ladies shoulder, adding the perfect touch of Tider class to this already mind-numbingly embarrassing image
This Bama fan's awesome display of disregard for basic human decency can only be categorized as "Damn, I hope that's not fake cause it is 10 shades of sad."
[HT: Darren]
While the above picture passes the eyeball test as real (as in, an undoctored photograph), these below pics fall under a somewhat different category. Something like "Fark of the Week." However, they are no less amusing.
I Could See This...

Nobody's This Lucky...

Te-Hos Come In All Shapes and Sizes

[from LWS]
A Classic: Somebody Cropped this Pornstar in where Tony Joiner Used to Be

I Call this Screen-Cap From Bama Online "Priorities" (wait this one's real)

click to enlarge/see the whole thing
I ask you, who needs toned, universally attractive painted supermodels when you've got this Bama Skank?

If you're not blind yet, notice the beautiful houndstooth hat adorning this young ladies shoulder, adding the perfect touch of Tider class to this already mind-numbingly embarrassing image
This Bama fan's awesome display of disregard for basic human decency can only be categorized as "Damn, I hope that's not fake cause it is 10 shades of sad."
[HT: Darren]
While the above picture passes the eyeball test as real (as in, an undoctored photograph), these below pics fall under a somewhat different category. Something like "Fark of the Week." However, they are no less amusing.
I Could See This...

Nobody's This Lucky...

Te-Hos Come In All Shapes and Sizes

[from LWS]
A Classic: Somebody Cropped this Pornstar in where Tony Joiner Used to Be

I Call this Screen-Cap From Bama Online "Priorities" (wait this one's real)

click to enlarge/see the whole thing
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Crooms' Boys Smack Back

HT: Darren - click to enlarge (and save, you know you want to)
The Starkville Bulldogs haven't tasted a winning season since the armageddon of Y2K...I think they're entitled to dispatch a little long over-due smack. Even though the "Priceless" parodies are wearing a bit thin, this is some top shelf shenanigans. Just think...for those 4 losses, Saban got paid more than the entire Mississippi State coaching staff...in a year. Saban can expect alot more where this came from.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Best Gata Ever?
Ask and ye shall receive. Thanks to MH (another cocktail party attending UGA fan) we are introduced to this veritable "Ripley's Believe It or Not" Gator who was allegedly tailgating nearby. No, to our limited knowledge, this Floridian does not have a third nipple, eleven fingers or elephantitis of the scotestical region...Quite the contrary. He's apparently just your average Joe, committed to being the best Gator stereotype he can be.
Because as I'm sure this fine specimin would tell you, "If you gonna do some sh*t, do it ALL THA WAY, brah."

As reader MH was quick to point out, this Gata really brings his "A Game":
Because as I'm sure this fine specimin would tell you, "If you gonna do some sh*t, do it ALL THA WAY, brah."

As reader MH was quick to point out, this Gata really brings his "A Game":
"Mullet (bonus points for shaved sides of head)Wow. There's a Friskies joke here somewhere. If you can top the above image (or even if you can't), please spread the love.
Gold teeth
Gold chain
Camo hat
Jersey
Jean shorts
Copious tattoos
Unlaced patent leather Nikes with no socks
GO DAWGS!"
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Introducing THE SEC POWER POLL

This Poll is now the ultimate power in the universe. (hosted by Brandon at Garnet and Black Attack) A collection of twenty something of the
The CalorieLab United States of Obesity Fattest States Ranking 2007
By the way, here's another power poll where the SEC is the Kang. 7 out of the top 8? Hell Yes! S-E-C...S-E-C... Grill me up a double batch of Conecuh and pass the Imodium.
2006 Rank | 2007 Rank | State | % Obese 2006 | % Obese or Overweight 2006 | 3-year Obesity Average | % Obesity Change | Ranking Change |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1 | 1 | Mississippi | 31.4 | 66.7 | 30.6 | 1.1 | 0 |
3 | 2 | West Virginia | 31.0 | 67.0 | 29.7 | 1.1 | 1 |
2 | 3 | Alabama | 30.5 | 65.0 | 29.4 | 0.7 | -1 |
4 | 4 | Louisiana | 27.1 | 63.0 | 28.3 | 0.8 | 0 |
9 | 5 | South Carolina | 29.4 | 65.4 | 27.9 | 1.6 | 4 |
6 | 6 | Tennessee | 28.8 | 65.3 | 27.8 | 1.3 | 0 |
5 | 7 | Kentucky | 28.0 | 66.4 | 27.5 | 0.8 | -2 |
7 | 8 | Arkansas | 26.9 | 63.8 | 27.0 | 0.6 | -1 |
Thursday, August 23, 2007
This Is Why You Suck
A Rival Fan's View Of Your Crap-Ass Team

He Hates Your Team! (damn, I hope this stud is back for more in '07)
Let's be honest here...You're team probably doesn't suck that bad (unless you're a State fan). However, your rival fans would have you believe otherwise. All summer long, you've had to listen to those obnoxious assholes from (insert team) on the internet, talk radio and in the newspapers. Blah, Blah, Blah. Lies, Lies, Lies! No team is spared. So anyway, I thought I would compile their smack into one tight little blog post for you to mull over. Note: These aren't my views (notice the quotes, right)
WEST
Auburn - "Them Barners is just scared of Coach Saban. Now that there's a real Coach at The Capstone, Tuberville is done fore sure. They ain't never gonna get another recruit in this state. They can stick that thumb up they ass! Oh, and Chete Williams had sex with my mother. Promise."
Arkansas - "What the hell is wrong with you white-trash hillbillies? None of us really hate you...we're more concerned than angry. You're like the Kennedy family of SEC football. In 2006 you seemed to have everything going for you early, and you managed to F it all away. Your off season played out about as smoothly as The Hindenburg landing on The Titanic."

Alabama - "What's that smell. It smells like...Desperation. Don't look now bammers, but our coach is paid less than half of what you're getting raped for and we've still got a winning record against that tiny, over-hyped S.O.B. (3-2). How about this...How bout we decimate your weak ass D-line, Groves will "Brodie" Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson, and we'll call it six in a row. Speaking of 6, enjoy another trip to Shreveport...I'm positive the Cajuns won't hurl urine filled bottles at your coach. That is, If he's still your coach at that point. Wow...4 arrests in the last month. Stay Classy, Crimson Tide."

LSU - "How did LSU manage to hire the damn dumbest Head Coach in Division I Football? (Skip Bertman = Outstanding Baseball Coach...Train wreck of an AD) Yeah, Numb-nuts Miles has a great record, but does that have anything to do with him? Or could it be the dearly departed OC, Jimbo Fisher, or the overall #1 pick in the draft, or an amazing boat load of talent. Newsflash: You didn't even win the West last year, much less the SEC. Yes, your shit still stinks. Lose that 'Corky' of a HC and get back to us."


Ole Miss - "Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw... Walk-on Quarterback? (Coach O song never ceases to get a laugh). So The Ogre is the all-star recruiter of the century but he's starting a Walk-on at the most important position. Yeah, he couldn't start at Division-II Delta State but he's gonna lead Ole Miss to the promise land. It's been fun Orgeron. Better hope Pete Carroll gives you your old job back. Another 3-9 season. Cutcliffe never went 3-9!"
Mississippi State - "Wow, where do I start. You poor bastards haven't tasted a bowl game since Y2K. Kinda hard to bring in the talent when you're not cheating your effin' asses off isn't it? I'm gonna stop right there cause making fun of Crooms boys is like talking shit about my demented grandmother. It's just not right."

EAST
Florida - "Tebow is a jort-sporting, meat-headed bitch. He can't pass worth a damn. He's nothing more than over-hyped, over-sexed fullback who occasionally throws the ball. He certainly ain't no every-down quarterback. Then you've got Herban Meyer and his thuggish-ruggish team of pot smoking cock-bandits. He's turning that program into Miami North. Not to mention he lost his whole defense. Good luck beating Vanderbilt this season, Herban."

Georgia - "That Stafford's a fat drunk. If he spent as much time on the practice field as he did gettin' liquored up and chasin' tail he might live up to his hype. Richt ain't never gonna win the big one. Don't talk to me until you beat Florida when it counts, bitches. Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life, Matty."

Kentucky - "Andre' Woodson - The best quarterback nobody gives a shit about. Kentucky beats Georgia, has a winning season, goes to bowl with the best quarterback in the conference and we still give a collective yawn. I think I'm falling asleep just talkin' about Kentucky Football. In conclusion, UK fans don't care...We don't care. Lets move on."
South Carolina - "Blake Mitchell is really best quarterback you could find Spurrier? Really? What is the arrest/embarrassing-fiasco count in your QB depth chart, Steve? I count 4 in the last year. Nice dicipline. I know you're more of the "Xs and Os" kind of coach, but you might want to actually interact with your players...maybe show them you care. Then maybe they'd stop acting out like 19 year old, abused step-children. P.S. - You're soo not winning the SEC at South Carolina an time soon."


when white qbs go bad
Tennessee - "If it isn't Philip Fulmer. 'Fulmer' loosely translates as 'He who does less with more'. Phil just isn't cutting it anymore. He's tricked the hillbillies for 16 some odd years and it's starting to get old. I can't remember the last time UT played in the SEC Championship game. Fat Phil's got all the tools in hand, and he's still shittin' the bed. You make me sick."
Vanderbilt - "Congratulations. Now you've moved up to the 11th least crappy program in the SEC. (Sorry, State) Whenever things seem to be going your way, you always F it up. (See: last years Ole Miss game, or any MTSU game). You've got a great coach, but you're Vanderbilt. Maybe you should get your priorities straight and start cheating your ass off, cause nothing else seems to be working. Look for another 5-7 season. So close!"

Vandy Stereotype Fight

He Hates Your Team! (damn, I hope this stud is back for more in '07)
Let's be honest here...You're team probably doesn't suck that bad (unless you're a State fan). However, your rival fans would have you believe otherwise. All summer long, you've had to listen to those obnoxious assholes from (insert team) on the internet, talk radio and in the newspapers. Blah, Blah, Blah. Lies, Lies, Lies! No team is spared. So anyway, I thought I would compile their smack into one tight little blog post for you to mull over. Note: These aren't my views (notice the quotes, right)
WEST
Auburn - "Them Barners is just scared of Coach Saban. Now that there's a real Coach at The Capstone, Tuberville is done fore sure. They ain't never gonna get another recruit in this state. They can stick that thumb up they ass! Oh, and Chete Williams had sex with my mother. Promise."
Arkansas - "What the hell is wrong with you white-trash hillbillies? None of us really hate you...we're more concerned than angry. You're like the Kennedy family of SEC football. In 2006 you seemed to have everything going for you early, and you managed to F it all away. Your off season played out about as smoothly as The Hindenburg landing on The Titanic."

Alabama - "What's that smell. It smells like...Desperation. Don't look now bammers, but our coach is paid less than half of what you're getting raped for and we've still got a winning record against that tiny, over-hyped S.O.B. (3-2). How about this...How bout we decimate your weak ass D-line, Groves will "Brodie" Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson, and we'll call it six in a row. Speaking of 6, enjoy another trip to Shreveport...I'm positive the Cajuns won't hurl urine filled bottles at your coach. That is, If he's still your coach at that point. Wow...4 arrests in the last month. Stay Classy, Crimson Tide."

LSU - "How did LSU manage to hire the damn dumbest Head Coach in Division I Football? (Skip Bertman = Outstanding Baseball Coach...Train wreck of an AD) Yeah, Numb-nuts Miles has a great record, but does that have anything to do with him? Or could it be the dearly departed OC, Jimbo Fisher, or the overall #1 pick in the draft, or an amazing boat load of talent. Newsflash: You didn't even win the West last year, much less the SEC. Yes, your shit still stinks. Lose that 'Corky' of a HC and get back to us."


Ole Miss - "Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw Yaw... Walk-on Quarterback? (Coach O song never ceases to get a laugh). So The Ogre is the all-star recruiter of the century but he's starting a Walk-on at the most important position. Yeah, he couldn't start at Division-II Delta State but he's gonna lead Ole Miss to the promise land. It's been fun Orgeron. Better hope Pete Carroll gives you your old job back. Another 3-9 season. Cutcliffe never went 3-9!"
Mississippi State - "Wow, where do I start. You poor bastards haven't tasted a bowl game since Y2K. Kinda hard to bring in the talent when you're not cheating your effin' asses off isn't it? I'm gonna stop right there cause making fun of Crooms boys is like talking shit about my demented grandmother. It's just not right."

EAST
Florida - "Tebow is a jort-sporting, meat-headed bitch. He can't pass worth a damn. He's nothing more than over-hyped, over-sexed fullback who occasionally throws the ball. He certainly ain't no every-down quarterback. Then you've got Herban Meyer and his thuggish-ruggish team of pot smoking cock-bandits. He's turning that program into Miami North. Not to mention he lost his whole defense. Good luck beating Vanderbilt this season, Herban."

Georgia - "That Stafford's a fat drunk. If he spent as much time on the practice field as he did gettin' liquored up and chasin' tail he might live up to his hype. Richt ain't never gonna win the big one. Don't talk to me until you beat Florida when it counts, bitches. Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life, Matty."

Kentucky - "Andre' Woodson - The best quarterback nobody gives a shit about. Kentucky beats Georgia, has a winning season, goes to bowl with the best quarterback in the conference and we still give a collective yawn. I think I'm falling asleep just talkin' about Kentucky Football. In conclusion, UK fans don't care...We don't care. Lets move on."
South Carolina - "Blake Mitchell is really best quarterback you could find Spurrier? Really? What is the arrest/embarrassing-fiasco count in your QB depth chart, Steve? I count 4 in the last year. Nice dicipline. I know you're more of the "Xs and Os" kind of coach, but you might want to actually interact with your players...maybe show them you care. Then maybe they'd stop acting out like 19 year old, abused step-children. P.S. - You're soo not winning the SEC at South Carolina an time soon."


when white qbs go bad
Tennessee - "If it isn't Philip Fulmer. 'Fulmer' loosely translates as 'He who does less with more'. Phil just isn't cutting it anymore. He's tricked the hillbillies for 16 some odd years and it's starting to get old. I can't remember the last time UT played in the SEC Championship game. Fat Phil's got all the tools in hand, and he's still shittin' the bed. You make me sick."
Vanderbilt - "Congratulations. Now you've moved up to the 11th least crappy program in the SEC. (Sorry, State) Whenever things seem to be going your way, you always F it up. (See: last years Ole Miss game, or any MTSU game). You've got a great coach, but you're Vanderbilt. Maybe you should get your priorities straight and start cheating your ass off, cause nothing else seems to be working. Look for another 5-7 season. So close!"

Vandy Stereotype Fight
Monday, August 20, 2007
Racist, Barner Cops Entrap Simeon Castille

Tuscaloosa Police Department Hates America
Castille, 21, was charged with disorderly conduct and booked into the Tuscaloosa County Jail at 3:30 a.m. He made $500 bond and was released at 4:25 a.m., according to jail records.
What could possibly explain this rash of recent arrests under the Nick Saban regime? 4 football players in 5 weeks?!? Certainly, this is not just a lack of discipline or good judgment on behalf of some overly-entitled college kids. No, this is much, much more...
As one enlightened tider said on The Opening Drive this morning, "Simeon is a model citizen...Them Tuscaloosa police need to get they priorities straight...I ain't tryin' to say anything, but there may be some other schools involved in this..."
Ya Damn Right! These so called "officers" are certainly not "protecting and serving" Alabama football.
Let's set the record straight before we attemt to taint a highly decorated member of the pre-season All-SEC First Team. He's got a Crimson Tide All-American preacher of a daddy in Jeremiah Castille...A good Tider brother in Tim...He went to Briarwood CHRISTIAN school...he's a team leader. He's even a founding father of Saban's groundbreaking, and completely not bullshit "Peer Intervention Group." Simeon would never do anything to hurt UAT.
Surely Simeon just took a break from his study group at two in the morning to offer Designated Driver services to some of his morally ambiguous teammates. That's the only explanation that makes sense here.
Obviously, there is a Big Blue hand in all this. What better way to hurt the tide than send undercover Barner fans to infiltrate the elite forces of the Tuscaloosa P.D.? It might take years to earn the Tider's trust, but it'll be worth it. Those Auburners knew they couldn't beat Saban in a fair fight, so I guess they'll just try and bring him down from the inside. It's genius. Who here hasn't seen "The Departed?" Surely the flagship university's highly educated fanbase will piece together this nazi-esque plot. (Tuscaloosa is to Occupied France as the football team is to the Juden) Case in point:
An eye witness account (that was told to somebody who posted it on a messageboard which was then intercepted by rolltideroll.com. Good as gospel)...
Simeon and Rashad were at a club with their girlfriends. As they were all leaving Simeon and Rashad were wrestling with and trying to pull BJ and Caldwell out of a car. Simeon was pretty loud and two cops came running up and grabbed him. They cuffed him and pulled his wallet out and while Simeon was trying to tell them he was only playing. The cop with the wallet looked at the other cop and said sarcastically "should we call the coach"? The informant said the other cop stated "nah, let him find out through the newspaper." They arrested him for disorderly conduct. None of the other players or girlfriends, who were all black, wanted to talk to the cops, both white, for fear of being arrested too. So Simeon was carried off to jail and held for about four hours.And I thought we had made so much progress as a state and a conference. These evil, racist, cartoonish Auburn sympathizing police officers have set our state back decades and should be castrated. I'm surprised Saban hasn't dropped the charges and at least fired these two rogue, barner honkies.
Next thing you know it's gonna be,
"Hey there's a Football player conversing with a white woman...here, plant this dime bag that boy's pocket...Oh, and War Eagle."
Related:
AL.com Coverage
Tidefans Messageboard Meltdown!
Monday, August 13, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Awesome SEC Fans That Don't Happen to Cheer for The Tide

He's no Nate Davis, but he does make me proud not to be a LSU fan. It seems there is a disproportionate faction of white, bald/shaved headed douchebags among the LSU faithful. If only he was also a silky smooth, thugged out DJ who works his turntable mojo at LSU Tailgates. Cause that's exactly what the SEC needs more of...
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