Omaha Steaks Sucks

Well, Omaha Steaks has opened a retail location in Cranston's newest temple of ridiculous, suburban consumption. I had heard of them, and I had a coupon from the newspaper for a rather stupid amount of meat for only $50, so I figured to give them a shot.

Frankly, it wasn't even worth the small amount of money I paid. I bought a bag of amazingly expensive beef jerky which was the toughest jerky I've ever had and peppered to such an extreme it cleared my neighbor's sinuses. The filets were comically small with weak flavor and had a strange, rubbery texture to them. I've never encountered meat that felt this way, before.

The hot dogs were decent, but Hebrew National or Boar's Head are both better. The texture was off, being softer and more mushy than I like. The chicken was chicken, it's really hard to fuck that up. The stuffed baked potatoes were dry as all get-out which overwhelmed any decent flavor they had.

The salmon was overpriced and had a watery flavor. The texture was rather poor and gummy, and it didn't compare at all to fresh salmon from a deli or seafood shop. Maybe this is acceptable if you live in the middle of Nebraska, but we don't. We live right by the freaking ocean.

The hamburgers were adequate. Probably because even crap meat can be turned into decent hamburger. I'd rather buy good, ground beef and make my own patties. Saves me money, and I can spice my own meat.

The best thing to come out of the purchase was a weird, car-care kit that had a flashlight, screwdriver, pliers, (very) small jumper cables, and other bizzare shit. What? I can only assume it's meant as some marketing ploy for me, because unless you like grilling on an engine block (you fucking redneck) the only connection I can see between meat and cars is men. Weird, just weird.