Texas Comes Strong With The Oklahoma Smack...

This is a revelation. The Big XII is making fun of itself, and doing a damn fine job. Funnier than anything I've seen on SNL lately, those no-talent-ass-clowns.

Laughing at Stoops' Pain

click to enlarge

How To Beat Florida

by Houston Nutt

Son of a bee-sting. I can't get enough of those highlights. Yep, some of the best plays of the season that Holly, over at EDSBS, strangely left out of her 2008 highlight video?

[HT: SSMUND]

Dan Hawkins Was Wrong: The Big XII is Intramurals, Brother

TheWiz asked for me for my "official" prediction of the big game (I'm feeling generous):

Florida 45
Oklahoma 27 (including garbage TD)

Florida is gonna play its game and score at will against the # 58 ranked scoring defense. We've all seen what the Big XII South is really comprised of...





[TheWizOfOdds Composite Prediction Post]

BCS Sucks: O-H...I-O for 2

Once again, the BCS blows. There, I said it. Oh, and crazy I know...but the state of Ohio goes 0-2. Cincinnati got beat by the best the ACC had to offer (8-4) Virginia Tech, in the lowest TV rated BCS game ever. People didn't even show up for the game...It wasn't close to a sell out.

Then tonight we get this flaming turd between the clearly overrated Flag Football Fluffers of Texas and the extremely boring, extremely ineffective honkies from tOSU. Thanks Bowl Championship Series!

Hey, it may have looked like like two Gumps humping a door knob for three quarters, but at least it was a close one, right? "The Big Twelve South and its amazing offenses of doom" is the biggest World Wide Leader fraud ever passed on the college football public.

I'm calling it right here: Florida is going to straight up murder Oklahoma's ass. I'm talking a 52-17 homicide. (it's gonna be like that old SNL skit with garden hose-style projective vomit everywhere on the OU sideline) It's gonna be yet another embarrassingly bad championship game match up that further fuels my playoff fire/hate for all things BCS.

- Leagues that should not get an automatic bid to the BCS:

Big 10 - 0-2 this season. Penn State got destroyed. The top two programs, OSU and Michigan, haven't won their last 3 appearance. Overall: 8-11 (.421)

Big 12 - How do you think Chokelahoma earned its nick name? 2 wins and 4 losses, not counting this weeks impending championship game embarrassment. Texas is the only team pulling the wagon with a 3-0 BCS record. Overall: 7-8 (.467)

ACC - Wow. This league is nothing but a punchline. Karma's a bitch after the ACC raided the Big East and C-USA to compete with the "big boys." Too bad they suck worse than ever. Make that "parody's a bitch." It's not just Florida State and a bunch of nobodies anymore. It's strictly nobodies. When your "champion" lost 4 games, you should withdraw from the BCS on moral grounds you selfish assholes. Overall: 2-9 (.182) Damn.

Meanwhile, Utah's got the Mountain West 2-0 in BCS games (that's 1.000 for those BCS apologists out there). Even the Wiggity-WAC has a better BCS record than the above conferences (1-1, .500). If you're wondering, the SEC is 11-5 (.688).

The NCAA needs to step in and do what's best for College Football. Put this pathetic excuse for a post season out of its misery.

[BCS Stats]

RedSoloCup PWNS Texas Tech Again

Friends of the Blog (FOTBs) RedSoloCup do a fantastic job rubbing it in...








By the way, where do you see Ole Miss ranked to start the 2009 season? This no-name a-hole says #6, just below the Tide. Damn I miss SEC football.

Bell Effers Smoked By Belle Effers

Read: #7 Texas Tech PWNED by #25 Ole Miss




RING DING DONG you cocky Napoleonic Texas Tech a-holes...


Guns Up, Bitch!

["Bell/Belle" line courtesy of oxpatchreb]

BIG XII Euro Style Futbol Conference: It's Floptastic!

What a bunch of Titty Babies

You know, everybody seems to talk about all the quarterback talent in the Big XII, but they some how gloss over the high quality sandy vaginas that practices their floppery in the southwestern region. Screw "The Red River Shootout." Try "Steers and Queers."

And John Wayne rolls over in his grave.

Pictures and video to come, i'm sure.

edited to add: [others who feel the same]

What Will The Media do Without Above-Average White Kids?

white is the new black

This is the worst possible national title matchup for the media. Watching the Memphis/UCLA game with my folks back in Memphis, it was painfully obvious who all involved in the broadcast wanted (read: hoped) to win.

What you and I might see as a titillating (heh heh) Kansas/Memphis game of speed-on-speed, well, the national media is lost looking for a prominent honky to fluff. ("honky" or "honkey"? somebody help a brother out)

No Tyler "Psycho T" Hansbourgh?!? No Kevin "Full Court 3" Love?!? WTF? Who will Dicky V filate? Who will Billy Packer fudge pack? Now, don't get me wrong, Kansas has more than their fair share of Caucasians, but none that I could pick out of a lineup at the Whole Foods.

Then their's Memphis. The team that the national media is embrasing with all the warmth of a disapproving mother-in-law. What is Memphis' latest problem? Coaching, foul shooting, crime, street ball...Even the NCAA committee hates Memphis and loves North Carolina. (guess which 1 seed got to play every game up to the final four in it's home state while the other 1 seed got to play an elite 8 game in the 2 seed's backyard).

Instead of a combined 15 national championships playing in the title game, we've got a combined 2 (Kansas 2, Memphis 0). And lets talk in stereotypes here... Let's say what the media would like to say. Kansas is a boring assed little state in the middle of the country with only 3 million boring assed people, while Memphis is a police state governed by Nazi-Taliban where the "residents" are as likely to stabrapeshootkill you as look at you.

So how do you sell this game if you're some ACC gargling ESPN/CBS douche? Somebody tell me, who's tonight's featured "smart," "old-school," "unselfish," "fundamentally sound" WASPy Jayhawk?


white people are overrated


Related...

Word out of San Antonio is Derrick Rose is having some stomach issues...

"He eats Gummy Bears and Starburst for breakfast, and Twizzlers and Honey Buns for dinner. That's why his stomach hurts," fellow guard Chris Douglas-Roberts said. "We tell Derrick the whole year, 'Stop eating so many Gummy Bears and Sour Straws.' But he can't. ... Nobody eats Gummy Bears more than him."

Sunday afternoon, Rose walked into a scheduled group interview with all the starters and coach John Calipari, then went over to Calipari and whispered something to him. They went into the hall together, then Calipari returned alone.

"He said his stomach was bothering him," Calipari said. "I told him to go back and see the trainer."

That story leads me to this clip. I don't think Rose was so much pissed about the question as he was pissed that he just sharted his warm-ups. See, star athletes really are just like you and me...

Major Applewhite Can't Handle The Saban?

Here, young Applewhite is seen dropping "F bombs" on the scout team quarterback so Coach Saban will think he's cool


What a Redheaded, Texas-Style Sandy Vag

When you boil it all down, Applewhite is strongly, strongly considering abandoning a position as the offensive coordinator for a team with 12 Nashunal Champ-yin-ships in beautiful/scenic Tuscaloosa, to go be a running backs coach in crap-ass Austin, Texas.

First off, why would any one want to leave Tuscaloosa? Even the name is beautiful and flows off the tongue. So much to offer...the beautiful Black Warrior river...Weekends at The Bear Bryant Museum, The Flea Markets and Alabama Adventure (post-chapter 9 "Visionland")...proximity to great deer huntin' land, a major Sticks n' Stuff retailer...It's kinda close to cultural hot-spots like Bessemer and Meridian. Damn, they've even got an interstate-highway running through that bitch.

What does Austin, Texas have to offer, other than a great music scene, a flourishing economy, tons more eyecandy and rankings as one of the best cities in America?

Also, who wants to work for a coach who treats you like an "adult" with "respect" and "dignity?" Screw a head coach who doesn't spit on you or doesn't even bother to prank call/dog-cuss your wife for encouraging you to go to church on Sundays with the rest of the "sheep."

What? Go work for Mack Brown? Who needs a boss with "perspective" or "morals?"

Plus, recruiting to Texas isn't even a challenge. It's like finding a million-dollar-bill in your old winter coat pocket. Where's the fun in that?

What do I know, eh? When a coach moves from an Offensive Coordinator in the SEC to a Running Backs coach in the Big 12 after 1 season, there might be a little bit more to the story (hint: read below...).


Obviously, the former Longhorn QB didn't take kindly to his Nick Saban appointed nickname, "Coach Fire Crotch."

It's 10am and I'm Already Sick of Mack Brown's Step Son

This Video is So Hot Right Now


[HT: Awful Announcing]

Hope you had a wonderful christmas. Chris Jesse and ESPN can bite my ass. He didn't even touch the damn ball. Why do we care? It's not like that non-touch changed the outcome of the game. By the way, it was the freaking Holiday Bowl. It was not the Super Bowl or the NLCS. Don't compare this douche-nozzle to Bartman (like The World Wide Leader did). Don't be a prick. Lets move on to more important matters...

Oh wait. I forgot. The days between Christmas and the weekend seem to be the sweaty taint of the space-time continuum. Taint here, and cetainly taint there. Absolutely nothing worth noticing transpires in the days after Christmas...especially in the world of sports, much less, college football. Maybe that's why this "incident" headlines all the blogs and "legitimate" media outlets.

Yeah, It was dumb...but dumb stuff happens all the time. I actually think, as a coach, you should be able to jump in and infulence at least one play a game...if you dare. When I watch this old clip of the 1959 Ole Miss/LSU "Halloween Run" game, I often hope that Rebel coach Jonhny Vaught will jumped out from the shadows and straight roundhouse kick LSU's Billy Cannon square in the larynx! (Thus preventing his game winning TD and preserving Ole Miss' outright mythical National Championship).

I mean, what would the officials honestly do about it? They're not going to award the guy a touchdown or anything. That'd be ridiculous (Unlike my sideline roundhouse kick to the throat) Yeah, if only we could witness a play like that...that would be something to blog about.

Note: The First SEC bowl game kicks off tomorrow (Praise Allah!), then we get an roman orgy of SEC games on 2K8 Eve + 2K8 Day. 6 to be exact. I'd be OK with this if they weren't overlapping (Two SEC games start during the 11am hour on January 1?!?). Anyway, here's your clear, concise, foofery-free Bowl Viewing Schedule. Enjoy yo-self...

[USAToday Bowl Schedule]

Another Note: Here's an extra special youtubes for those hooked on cocaine this holiday season...


[HT: Jim Halpert]

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Reporter Shows us how to deal with Drunken Ohio State Fan/Skank



pretty sure I watched this video about 20 times. It's perfect.


Best Sign from Ann Arbor Gameday...




And a salute to the #2 Fighting Kansas Manginos...

Halftime Shows You'll Never See In The SEC

It's seems the Cal-Berkeley band took a break from its regularly scheduled show-tunes to indulge us in an admittedly kick ass cornucopia of 8-bit Nintendo theme songs and imagery. I have to say, it's quite an enjoyable stroll down memory lane.

This video brings to the forefront countless recollections of a mis-spent youth. Times when I should have been doing my homework, however, like any other young man who grew up on The Legend of Zelda, I could not rest until I made Ganon my bitch! Behold...



Here's another one that Texas put together in 2004 that features Cartoons/Video Games. There must be some pretty laid back band directors/geeks west of the Mississippi...

Mindless Morning Youtubery

"I'M A MAN...I'M 80!!!"

Ah, the famed Lou Holtz pep talk: Here, Grandma Clampett does a wee impression of Okie State's Mike Gundy pepping up his Pokes for the big Kansas football game. Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got Lou?







Here's the latest Mike Gundy Parody...



A Couple High Quality LSU Related Items...


Thanks to LSU Freek of TigerDroppings

Also, I'm glad to see that Katrina refugees from the "entertainment sector" are finding new, creative ways to make ends meet at LSU tailgates (Not Totally Safe for Work).

Mike Gundy - Coors Light Commercial

I've largely ignored the Mike Gundy vs. Crappy, Lady Reporter situation, cause you can get that kinda junk anywhere. This...This Video however, is one of the few truly note-worthy tidbits to emerge from this Oklahoma bitch-fest. Bravo to the makers of the below youtubes...

College Football Comic Strip?

Yeah, I stopped reading "the funnies" when The Far Side got canned or retired or whatever. By the way, The Family Circus can kiss my ass.

It would take something truly amazing to get me back reading that fish wrap they call the Sunday Comics. Much like this feature from The Auburner. Those guys are Hiiilarious. The Birmingham News would be wise to pick this up...

2004 College QB Reunion: