Dance, Dance, Revelation

Sometimes, even we Southerners need to refocus on what's really important. In the fall, Satan can use the football to keep us from "renewing our mind." At some point, everybody needs to recenter themselves and just awkwardly break-dance like the gays...


"Mom?" (1:54 is especially praise-worthy)


[nafoom]

Mindless Morning Youtubery

Nothing says college football in The Deep South like tailgating with loved ones, children innocently tossing the pigskin in the quad, and some fat, shrieking whore, rhythmically convulsing right outside your tent.





[with leather]

College Football Season + 1 Thoughts

Teams that look damn good:

Wake Forest - (41-13 over Baylor) The fact that this tiny, no-footballcentric-history havin' school is a pre-season Top 25er is damn impressive in itself. They showed why last night. Skinner threw three TDs to zero picks (all with his clothes on), Swank, the kicker, was 2 of 2....The Deacons scored double digits in each quarter save the fourth. Grobe's boys just put up efficient offense. Yeah, it was Baylor, but the Bears are no Sun-belt bitches. Wake has earned every bit of respect they will receive this season with great coaching and smart play. If Ole Miss doesn't kick Memphis' ass this weekend, look for some extreme uglyness next week when the Rebs visit Winston-Salem.

Georgia Tech - (41-14 over Jax St.) I'd say Techies have to be happy with what they saw last night in Paul Johnson's debut (my #1 "Real Coach" of 2007's coaching search). Typically, you want to put up half-a-hundred on these D-IAA schools, and GT was on pace with 27 points in the first half (yeah, they kinda backed off in the second, what of it?) Sidenote: Even so, Tech wasn't playing your typical lower division, no-talent-ass-clowns. Perrilloux played mediocre-like with two TDs and two picks, 22-37 for 136? (that has to be the worst per-pass average evah: 6.18 yards per completion???) Well, hope young Ryan's enjoying like in the middle of effing nowhere (and that's by Alabama standards).

Miami - (52-7 over Charleston Southern) I don't know too much about this game, but Miami won a game like a Miami team should over a lowly D-IAA opponent. Next week is the true test when tha thUgs roll into Gainesville for a sampling of SEC speed and Tebow badassery. Sidenote: Mountain Brook's own Tribble Reese threw the Charleston Southern's only TD in this game. (what an aptly named "brookie")


In closing, I want to say, screw ESPN and their box scores. The one consistent thing that people still come to your crapass site for and you go and screw it up (God forbid we actually trust you with opinion, much less factual information). Now, the scores default to show you only games that are on the "ESPN Networks." Well eff you, you money grubbing, ignorant sluts. CBS sportsline, you had me at hello.

Enjoy the rest of this blessed weekend. I'll be in Memphis and Oxford for the debut of the Powetron HD and The Houston Nutt experience. Reports next week on all the action and my SEC Power Poll.

Mindless Morning Youtubery - 770/404 (and Beyond) Edition

An oldie but a goodie from beautiful "Disgusta," Gawga. Welcome to the Summers in tha DeepSouth, my brotha...

[cussin']



[HT: Rob, for reminding me]

EDIT: To add a double dose of Gawga thuggery. Many of you've seen this one, but there ain't no way I couldn't not include this in my Peach State feature. Only in SEC Country. Go Braves.


Could be a crackhead?

[HT: James & Burton Bulldog]

Who's High on Ole Miss?

Free Jerrell. Seriously...How bout an "A" for effort?

Why write a spring preview of 2007's worst team in the SEC when everything has already been said? As you will notice, Ole Miss is going to see a few more changes than just the Largest HD Jumbo-tron in the SEC.*

The Rebs will be sportin' a new coaching staff, a new Parade All-American quarterback, a new "5-star" running back, and maybe, maybe even an on-the-field, not just stirring the Gatorade, but playing actual SEC football, JERRELL EFFING POWE.

That's right. Jerrell is 21 and about to ostensibly rock the SEC True Freshman world. No, he didn't just return from a Mormon mission to Djibouti or a tour in Iraq...He was just waitin' out the clearly doomed Ed Orgeron era, all-the-while learning his ABCs and shit. (Seriously though, big time, honest rumors say Powe's in like Flynn. All 330 pounds of him)

So, all things considered, what are the experts** saying about Houston's Rebs?

First, the only legitimate expert in my book: Phil Steele

Two seasons ago, I remember my damn near outrage and disgust as Phil Steele attempted to justify Arkansas in his preseason Top 15 after two consecutive losing seasons. Turns out, the hawgs managed 10 straight wins, 7-1 in the SEC and a spot in Atlanta representing The West. That's because Phil effing Steele's forgot more college football than the average fan (that includes the writers at Athlon and Lindy's) ever damn knew. Turns out Phil's a big believer in upperclassman leadership and returning starters, and The 2006 Razorbacks had them in spades.

As for Ole Miss 2008, Steele is slightly optimistic:

- 18 Returning Starters
- Overall, #37 in The Nation (compared to the no-research retards at Athlon's #69)
- 6th in the SEC as a whole (a vast improvement over 12th)
- Top 10 "Most Improved" Nationally
- 15th Best OL Nationally
- 20th Best DL Nationally (that's without The Powe)
- Predicted Music City Bowl
...And one that blows me away - Enrique Davis - (True Freshman RB) - 2nd Team All-SEC


Ok, enough with the magazine pushers. What is Vegas [covers.com] saying about Ole Miss' 2008 offering?

"The Ole Miss Rebels are easy to overlook among the titans of the SEC, but with the arrival of Houston Nutt as the new head coach in Oxford, there is a legitimate reason to believe that this team could get a lot better very soon...

...Snead has already been selected SEC Newcomer of the Year by Blue Ribbon College Football Yearbook (for whatever that's worth) and he's got all the tools - a strong arm and good mobility out of the pocket - to become a standout in a league full of top-notch ballplayers.

And Snead should be fairly well protected behind an offensive line anchored by senior left tackle Michael Oher, who is predicted to be one of the first lineman taken in next year's NFL draft...

...One of the biggest improvements comes in the form of a five-star running back recruit who was courted by almost every SEC coach, but chose to follow Nutt to Oxford. Enrique Davis broke a verbal commitment with Auburn to go to Ole Miss and at 6-foot-1, 210 pounds, the kid has the size and the blazing speed to become the next Darren McFadden.

And just to keep defenses on their toes, Nutt will have a nice secondary option in the backfield with sophomore tailback Cordera Eason who has thoroughly impressed his new coaches this spring....

...And don't worry about the adjustment period with this team. Nutt is capable of making an immediate improvement when he takes over a program. In his first year at the helm at Arkansas in 1998, the Razorbacks were picked to finish last in the SEC West but they ran to a 9-3 record and an appearance in the Citrus Bowl.

So consider this a gift from Covers.com to you, well in advance of the football season. Keep an eye on Ole Miss pointspreads this year because there's sure to be some great chances to capitalize on this team on the rise."

Hmmm...Don't pop a broner just yet. So we've heard from the Sin City Impartials, but what does a semi-informed Ole Miss homer have to say?

These bits of tid come to us via... "One of my good friends is a manager on the team and has been since last season. Last season, he told me we'd be lucky to win 4 games. He was pretty close. So the fact that he's optimistic makes me very optimistic. This is a C&P of our convo from Facebook."

"QB: Jevan Snead- top 5 SEC qb, top 3 in my opinion... Has all the tools to win big, and has a chip on his shoulder to prove himself... Was ranked top qb with Tebow, and Stafford in high school, but now gets his chance to prove himself... Freshman Nathan Stanley will be next in line and he has potential, but we are really thin here.

RB: Enrique Davis looks like a greek god working out, but i've yet to see him in action. If he is good as advertised, he will be a top SEC rb...Cordera is good, but i dont know if he is capable of being a top SEC rb...A freshman to look out for is Brandon Bolden...looks really impressive for a freshman

WR: Probably best overall in the SEC as a unit. We are returning everyone here. McCluster will have a break out year if he can stay healthy...The coaches love him...Hodge is a beast, and Wallace is the fastest WR in the SEC.

OL: Has huge potential but really has to improve from the spring. Oher coming back was huge, and really we have some big veterans that should make a good steady SEC OL...But improvement is needed

DL: Possibly could be best in Nation and SEC... Hardy, P.Jerry, Powe, Tillman, Lockett, Laurent, new juco Emanuel Stephens should anchor it down very well... Still no final word on Powe but he should be good... I mean he goes to school and works out just like everyone else...If Powe gets in, they will be scary good, I mean him and peria jerry on the inside will dominate and pull many double teams leaving hardy to fly on the outside.

LB: The worst unit besides qb of last year but really should improve a lot. Ashlee Palmer has already proven he is a top SEC lb and with a healthy Cornell in the middle, and the addition of Patrick Trahan (auburns best lb his freshman year, went to NWCC) they should be a solid starting unit...Alen Walker, Tony Fein will be very good back ups.

DB: easily our weakest unit.. Saftey will be ok with Jamarca and Johny Brown, but corner was weak during the spring... but with moving Marshay to corner, he worked really hard and actually really looked good... i see marshay starting and C. Vaughn and Mouzon battling for the other spot


-Jevan Snead is by far the best qb i've ever witnessed in person [not saying a whole lot for a guy who's been at OM for two seasons]. He has a strong arm, quick, and really smart.... He has to adjust to Nutt's and Austin's offense because he has always run the spread, but he is smart enough and good enough to do it. If Snead goes down, all bets are off, cuz that would be a disaster.

-The Wake Forrest game is the deciding factor between winning 6 games and 9 games in my opinion. I am really optomistic this year, probably a little to much but oh well. If we beat wake, that will probably put us 4-0 rolling into Florida, and Jevan hates Tebow [hmmmm...very interesting indeed] and he has this game circled...

-I really see us probably going 8-4 or 9-3 with losses to florida(away), alabama(away), lsu(away), and possibly auburn(home)

-If we lose to wake or if Jevan gets hurt throw all of this away."

[nafoom.com]

So, I would dare say, we've got all the important bases covered. Media, Vegas and over-zealous, homerific fans. Shit, even opposing fans (yes, even Tiders) are picking Ole Miss to be "The Dark Horse" or the "Surpise Team" in the SEC. There in lies a big problem.

Ole Miss could have a top 15 caliber season, go 9-3 and still end up 3rd in the division, much less the conference as a whole. Of course, Ole Miss fans would eat that up, but to win this division, you need world class talent, above-average coaching and luck...year-in and year-out.

Who the hell knows what the fall will hold for the Ole Miss faithful, but it's nice to see something of a light at the end of the tunnel. Houston Nutt, Jevan Snead, and Enrique Davis have at least the next three seasons to do some exiting shit and properly light up that expensive-assed scoreboard.


After 40 years in a desegregationist desert, can Rev. Nutt lead Ole Miss to The Promise Land/ATL?


*Largest True HD board until Mississippi State finishes theirs video board mid-season...Those one-upping cock-bastards
**Expert is usually defined as somebody with more readership than I - Seriously though, Phil Steele is about as "expert" as it gets in CFB

Screw Body Art

In The South, Car Tattoos are the new hotness. And personally, I've found that nothing makes the ladies hotter than deep automotive associations with junk food. How long before LSUFreek has Phil Fulmer driving the Cheetos-mobile?

[more car tattoo nonsense from nola.com]
[HT: RichardZinya at nafoom]

God Bless The Delta

Nice chalk outline. The above, serious video comes to us from beautiful Greenville, MS. Home of The Delta State Fighting Okra and the original world-renowned, aptly named, Doe's Eat Place. (It doesn't get much more Southern than that..."It's a Eat Place, asshole")

What Do Bama Fans Have That Auburn Fans Don't?

On the left, you'll see a boring white, understated Auburn truck, but on the right, you can't help but notice a kick-ass, semi-professionally air-brushed Tider truck. Even so, what really separates the Auburn man from the Alabama man? (Lets look a little closer...)



Yeah, That's Right (click to enlarge)

Balls. Bama fans have balls. And they're more than happy to share them with you on I-65...in a classy, traditional way, of course. The ole slippery scarlet scrotum trick. Good One, Tider. Would you expect anything less from a fan with 12 National Championships? Thank you, Anonymous Bama Fan...I'd follow you anywhere. It is, in fact, "Time ^^^ To Roll!"


This, my fellow Americans, is why you should always be ready to snap candid pictures of SEC wildlife at a moment's notice. My wife actually captured these amazing images on I-65 in Birmingham on our return from the beach. I've heard rumors of other SEC fanbases with similar awesomeness, but for some reason, I only have eyes for The Tide. If you've got something of merit, please, don't hesitate to share! By gawd, we'll make it through this summer somehow. (crappy Farks need not apply)

WTF Youtubery

And this is actually somewhat football related. First time I watched this video, I thought something had gone terribly wrong. Seizures can be such a bitch...



Damn. Somebody just got served. Wow. Get Low, Ladies. They're working that ramp like it owes them money. I bet those girls get all kinds of ass.

From my extensive research, these young ladies appear to be Jackson State "J-settes." For the love of all that's holy, why can't Bruno visit JSU? Endless potential. Mostly, I just want to see Sasha Baron Cohen leading a Ramp kick.

[J-settin' - It's not just for adults anymore]

The Ballad of Nick Saban

LSU fans are so over him...

LSU Fan of the Week

Damn, I miss college football. On fall Saturdays, this is how I feel,on the inside...but maybe a little less gay:



Seeing that, it's hard to imagine LSU fans would ever intentionally urinate on anyone.

[loserswithsocks]

Swifty was One Potty Mouthed Toad Sucker

I'm ashamed to say, I've never seen this movie. Actually...No I'm not ashamed, because I grew up in a Christian home...In the Bible Belt with morals and what not. (He-Man was even of the Devil) So I wasn't exposed to such chicanery, like sinful reader Clint, who sent me this foul mouthed little bit of Deep South folklore called "Six Pack." (Kenny Rodgers has "Oscar-worthy" written all over him) ...



Swifty is quite the colorful character...he masterfully blends "Shove it!", "Kiss off!" and "Fungus Faced Toad Sucker" with "Son's of Bit**es" and "S**t, Mister's." Why hold back, Swift? This was back in the good old days...when "PG" meant anything short of some Kim Cattrall tatas in Porky's.

DeepSouthSports' Best of 2007

Why does everybody insist on putting out their "Best of '07" lists before the years even done? Here at DeepSouthSports.net, we do things the right way, or we don't do them at all. Usually, it's the later. None the less, on the last day of the 2007 College Football season, I must say, It was a great year to be a fan. So much to enjoy, so much pain shared by all...and therefore, so much to make fun of. If only 2008 can capture some of that same magic.


Best College Football Team: The University of Georgia - It's not how you start, but how you finish that matters. (I'm going with The Dawgs, pending some insanity in tonight's BCS National Championship game)




Best College Football Game: Appalachian State 34, Michigan 32 - A D-IAA Southern school embarrassing a "Big 10 Power." What more you could you ask for? (even though Lloyd exacted a smidgen of revenge against UF in Orlando).




Best Deep South College Football Game: Kentucky 43, LSU 37 (3OT) - Both teams fighting for their undefeated lives. Did anybody see this coming preseason? Never in a parallel universe could I have ever imagined that the entire bar I was at in suburban Chicago would stop to watch the end of a Kentucky football game. That's the power of SEC Football.




Best Uber-Douche Player: Colt Brennan - Hawaii - Nice hair.




Best Uber-Douche Coach: Jim Levett - South Florida - Nice face.




Best Uber-Douche Fan(s): Tiger Pimp Nation - This was a tough one (so many worthy contenders), but as Saban would say, It's always fun to rip on a coonass. Or multiple connasses. What an embarrassment to an already somewhat Cousin-Eddie-esque fanbase...




Best Super-Stallion Player: Felix Jones - Arkansas - This badass never seems to get enough credit. 2007's numbers: 1164 yards at 8.74 per carry (which happens to lead the nation). Can you say "underutilized" and/or "undervalued?"




Best Super-Stallion Coach: Brian Kelly -Cincinatti - In his first season at the helm, Kelly made people fear the Bearcats...In Football. Just take a look at his numbers and get back to me, a-hole.




Best Movie: No Country for Old Men - Outstanding. A must see for all heterosexual males.


why is the older brother from the goonies pointing a gun at us?


Best TV: Dexter - My advice: Get Netflix, find an open weekend and rattle off Season 1, ASAP. 100% satisfaction guaranteed.




Best Sports Related Book I Read This Year: The Courting of Marcus Dupree by Willie Morris - This amazing, world renown author bring his unique style back home to Mississippi as he tells the tale of a big time "5 Star" running back's sordid recruitment. This book has as much to do with the unique culture of small town Mississippi as it does football. Good or bad, Morris vividly reveals how little has really changed in the 25 years since the books publishing.


Willie Morris


Biggest DeepSouthSports.net Blog Post: Talladega Days: The Ballad Of Matthew Stafford - I'd dare say, half the people who who first visited this site, did so because of this post heard round the South. Thanks, Matty.




Most Awful Announcing: Mike Patrick...




Most Awful Officiating: Alabama vs Ole Miss - This end-of-game call made absolutely no effing sense whatsoever. Thanks for screwing a great game, Doyle.




Best College Football Related Youtubery: Fake Lou Holtz - Cause it doesn't get much better than making fun of the elderly...especially when they have dementia coupled with a speech impediment...




Best Photo: Wes Byrum (Auburn) - after kicking a long winning field goal thus beating his home-state, undefeated, defending national champion Florida Gators (not once, but twice) on their home field. Post gator chop as well. In football, the life of a freshman kicker doesn't get much better than this...on the field, at least...




Best Bama Fan of the Week: The Party Crasher - A personal experience always tops a second-hand video or picture in my book. Especially when the rogue (read: wasted), middle aged Tider rides up to the party on his kid's Huffy. (I'll try and add an blurred image later today - to protect the not-so-innocent).


Best Will Muschamp Inspired Tee Shirt Idea: "BOOM, MF'ER!" -Even though potty-mouthed Muschamp is now dead to us in the SEC, his legacy will live on through this lively graphic based on this infamous clip..


[not sure who to credit for the above graphic found on edsbs]

and last but certainly not least...

The Britney Spears Award For Excellence (for the biggest media scandal whore of 2007): Nick M. effing Saban! - In 2007, This guy couldn't squat down to pee (like you know he does) without brushing up against the cold and wet toilet seat of scandal. If he wasn't telling bold faced lies in Miami, he was snatching kisses from DUI-bait at the Tuscaloosa airport, or committing recruiting violations, or "Not having time for this s**t" with the media or losing to Louisiana-Monroe, or selling out his players, or compairing the tragic death of thousands of Americans to a collegiate football game. Saint Nick's had a busy year. Saban also managed to fall from the heavens in 2007. Yep, he's back to mere millionaire mortal status after stumbling and bumbling to an underwhelming 7-6 record. Something tells me there won't quite be 92,000 at the spring game in 2008. But you never know...Crootin' looks strong.


When the price was right, Saban was extremely honored to join such an exclusive coaching fraternity [LWS]

It's Been A Rough Coupla Weeks

My new favorite, random LSUFreek fark

Excuse my lack of content of late. On top of real life excuses, work has been blog-blocking me. (those cocksmen) I guess they don't want their employees blogging at work or something. Even so, I think I've found a way around it.

It's kinda like watching those scrambled channels at the end of the dial way back in...er, junior high (without the cheezy music). The Man won't ever come between me and my contrabanded entertainments!

So what did I miss??? Lets see. What to tackle first?

- Here's a few pics of The New Ole Miss First lady courtesy of nafoom.com...I present to you, Diana Nutt...



Where does Diana fit in the hierarchy of SEC Wives?

Interesting. Maybe Houston's not as far behind The Orgeron as we once thought in the recruiting department. Speaking of, I wonder how the big move is going for good ole' Kelly Orgeron...


Another Top SEC Wife bites the dust

Word on the street is that Kelly was a "square peg" to the Oxford scene's round hole. Among other issues, it seems Kelly had quite the potty mouth in the grove. Apparently candelabras, Abners, F-bombs and G.D. don't mix. That's doesn't jive at all with the drunken, pseudo-chruch picnicy vibe of The Grove. She wasn't too fond of the Grove M.O: "Hold your liquor, mind your manners and keep your problems in the closet"

Either way, A "Meet The Orgerons" Reality show would be a gold-mine and they'd make the Bonaduces and Kardashians look like the effin' Cleavers. Seriously, what has Orgeron been up to the last coupla weeks?

In hindsight, has there ever been a less productive SEC coach in terms of Wins and Losses? Apparently, it doesn't pay to have a wife at the top of my old list. You're next Urban.

- In other news, it seems if your school holds out for a month and looks like a bunch of clueless a-holes, you are rewarded with a big name coach. Just ask Arkansas, Michigan and (last year) Alabama.

- Oh, and I love the prevailing thoughts of internet Bama fans at this juncture (basically the same place they were with Shula a year ago). I actually read some ignorant, mediocrity-induced rivals poster write something along the lines of, "Shula put us in such a big hole cuz of bad recruiting not to mention probation that it's gonna be 3 or 4 years to rebuild The Tide." WTF ever. Why is it always, that after your new coaching staff proves to suck balls in their first year, "Well, we all knew it was gonna take 4 years to get this thing turned around."

Horsepiss! You don't pay a guy $4 million a year to do no better than Mike Shula with Mike Shula's pretty damn talented players. Clearly, Nick Saban has lost the respect of everyone that counts (outside of the recruitniks). Mostly the players. You can't tell me they didn't quit on him after that LSU game. Why would you want to play for a coach who will gladly sell you in the media every chance he gets. I certainly wouldn't show up drunk at the airport for a guy that's gonna take me from 6-6 to...yeah, 6-6. (BTW, BOL Open Board Moderator/Tough guy MrCrimson is an Uber-Scrotebag)

- David Cutcliffe is now the head man of Duke Football. Wow, what an impact hire. I wonder if the Dukies even bothered to talk to Ole Miss administration. (requisite Cutcliffe joke in 3...2...1..) Is there a previously unknown 6'4", high school senior quarterback, bastard son of Archie Manning residing somewhere in the Carolinas? Otherwise, Duke football is screwed. As if they could be anymore screwed than 4 and 42 in four years under Ted Roof. This pic pretty much sums up the excitement and effort David Cutcliffe will bring to Durham...



- Speaking of the Cutcliffe/Orgeron era, the goat of these men's flailing, pathetic offenses was more often than not Michael Spurlock. Spur was the starting quarterback the year after Eli under offensive genius David Cutcliffe. As you know, Eli is a 6'4", lead footed honky with a strong, fairly accurate arm. Michael Spurlock is a 5'10", fast as lightening, athlete with a cannon for an arm but zero accuracy or (how do I say)...touch or requisite height to see over offensive linemen.

Obviously, these two men should run the same offense.

There are two amazing indicators of Cutcliffe's ineptitude: Patrick Willis...who I think I can safely say will quickly become one of the best linebackers to ever play the game of football, at any level (If you want to argue see Exhibit A, B or C), Cutcliffe stumbled upon him when no other SEC schools offered the small school, Tennessee Mr. Football and then promptly sat him on the bench for two seasons of eligibility in the name of seniority. WTF! [/tangent]

Anyway, If you need more evidence than that, check out the youtube below to see what kind of talent Cutcliffe wasted by trying to make Michael Spurlock a pro-style, pocket passer...



So...Congrats to Spurlock who "couldn't hack it" in college ball, but is making history in the NFL. Thanks, Cut! You offensive guru and genius developer of quarterbacks!

Good luck with all that, Duke.

A Metaphor for the Ole Miss Season

Classic Message Board Fodder by "An Old Standard"at NAFOOM.com

Cause sometimes you just need to honor a classic message board post that seems to capture the moment, and, ever so eloquently, sum up the thoughts of a fanbase. I'll never look at Bebe (The Orgeron's Cajun nickname) the same way. This post comes to us from an Ole Miss fan in anticipation of the "big CBS game" this weekend between his 3-7 Rebels and #1 LSU...not to mention the huge Egg Bowl coming up in Starkville.

Pissin' In The Hot Tub

We were drinking one night at an apartment complex in Starkville. One toolbag drunk kid who was friends with someone we were staying with has brought home a classic Starkville skank. She’s got a beer gut (with belly-button piercing), a bad blonde dye job, acne covered with caked on make-up, all the intelligence and charm of a cow patty and dresses in a manner that can best be described as 10 lbs of meat in a 5 lb sack. The guy has been talking s**t all night, trying to start fights, taking fruity shots and talking endlessly about how much of a badass he is and how much tail he can pull. He owns at least one windsuit and wears it on a regular basis, guaranteed.

They disappear from the apartment together. Later, we discover that they’ve stripped down and are getting down in the apartments’ hot tub. Upon seeing this display, my friend RW (smoked out of his brain) stumbles down to the side of the hot tub, largely unnoticed by the happy, naked couple. When the guy finally comes up for air, it’s too late. RW has dropped his pants and is taking a piss into the hot tub. They both freak out, jump out of the water and scurry off. RW shakes, zips up and goes back upstairs to puke in the bathtub and pass out.

LSU is the douchebag guy. The delusional legend of his own mind, drunk with his own perceived greatness (and lots of Hot Damn), but mostly just a pain in the ass to everybody else. State is the girl who lives with constant self-esteem issues, but covers it up with make-up and wine coolers. Every now and again, she stumbles upon someone whose beer goggles match her self-image. She sees such drunken hook-ups as validation of her beauty and the start of long-lasting happiness. However, it always ends in tears when everybody sobers up.

And then there’s us. Stumbling through life only half awake with nothing in front of us other than a fade to black until all the self-inflicted poisons wear off, so we can start the road to recovery. But, before our time is over, we can do the rest of the civilized world a great service by putting the annoying couple in their place.

For the rest of the season, it’s all about pissing in everybody else’s hot tub of love. It's time for Bebe to crank the shrimp boat up to ramming speed and take some of these assholes down with us.

- An Old Standard

Wow. It's like a suicide note and a Lou Holtz pep Talk all in one. It's a thing of beauty. Major credit, Mr. Standard. I'd start a slow clap, but I the whole slow clap thing is pretty gay these days (NTTAWWT).


Who wants a golden shower?!? Miles? Anyone?

Morning Youtubery

As If I Don't Hear "Sweet Home Alabama" Enough

Apparently the fourth Brady Bunch brother and his band of merry men have an opinion on this weekend's big LSU/Bama game. They decided that their opinion can best be expressed in song.

Most of the lyrics are your standard fare: "Beat Bama," "We're #1 and We're Comin' for you," However, there are some lyrics, frankly I'm gonna need a little help with (seriously, help me out)...

"The Nor-zona Fans In Death Valley...Shootin' Salads, All of Yoooou..."

My thoughts exactly.


Related:

CSTV Coverage of the Big Game
Saban Worship
EDSBS and RockyTopTalk Weigh in
LSU Cheerleaders Gone Wild

CAN YOU FEEL THAT, BUDDY?

LSU @ Bama is Happening

Has there ever been more emotion and ill-will leading up to a regular season football game than the one about to take place in Tuscaloosa this weekend? I'm thinking there might be a few fights and a little violence in T-town. (Should I go document it?)

Also, I love the switch-a-roo that's taken place. Is it possible that Les Miles is seen as "the good guy" this weekend? Is anybody outside of Tider-nation really routing for Bama and The 4 million Dollar Man? Will Saban claim a victory for himself no matter the outcome? (he is of course the architect of all LSU victories, past, present and future - any recruit knows that)

Speaking of violence, I damn near hate-fisted my printer after watching the below LSU/Bama 2007 promo. It's that good...

I'm Off and Up Out

I'm looking forward to a classy weekend

"It's 106 miles to Chicago..."

I'll be out of "the game" until "Touchdown" Tuesday. By "the game" I of course mean the blogging game. See, my cousin decided to get married during football season. What may seem like an unforgivable injustice to some (us), others view it as nothing more than a beautiful fall weekend, filled with marital bliss and shit.

Therefore, I will play this hand the best way I know how. I will be watching my football in Wrigleyville, at a fine establishment called The Houndstooth Saloon which was recommended to me by known Bama fan "Gerry Dorsey". Turns out the Houndstooth is the meeting place for Chicago area Bammers. Sweet.

Now I bet you're thinking, "Erik, what the hell are you thinking? Why would you fly hundreds of miles to Chicago to hang out with a bunch of Bama fans when you could do that at any Hardee's or Aaron's Rent-to-Own in the greater Birmingham area?"

That is a good question. Well...I'm interested in watching the Ole Miss game this weekend...and it's only on "Gameplan" up there in the frozen Midwest...and guess what? Ole Miss is playing Saban this weekend. What better place to be assured of viewing Ole Miss/Bama than at a place called The Houndstooth?!?

Ok...so I might stab myself in the eye with a bourbon stir...Or they may kill my ass ("none of yall read the internets, right?"). Even so, It should be an interesting game. I'll be sure to take notes. Have yourself a great college football weekend.

Oh, As a parting gift...It's The infamous "Ramp Lady" of Tuscaloosa!!!


HT: Joe Blow (sorry man. I couldn't wait to share her with the world)

Your Moment of Zen

Why are these LSU fans so thrilled?

Why are they most likely pissing off the upper deck, tossing pints of So-Co and engaging in dude-on-dude makeout sessions? Did their team just score a touchdown...Win the big game or did the whole section just receive a coupon for a free Sonic "Wacky Pack?" No, you asshole...



They just found out that Southern Cal got beat. Yeah, a school 1818 miles away...A school that LSU hasn't played since 1984...A school that sat behind LSU in the AP. It's pure, unadulterated, burbon-soaked, Cajun joy:



Click Here to See Stanford Sexually Assault Pete Carroll's Dreams

Sack-Up Saturday

"Hey Matty, guess what? The Trojans lost to Stanford, you got benched and WE'RE PREGNANT!"

Stanford Is Good

No wonder these 40 point Dogs beat the Preseason National Champion USC Trojans. Look at these scintillating Stanford stats (out of 119)...

Total Offense : 62
Scoring Offense : 87
Rushing Defense : 94
Pass Efficiency Defense: 116
Total Defense: 102
Scoring Defense: 102
Punt Returns : 92
Turnover Margin: 84
Pass Defense : 94
Passing Efficiency: 77
Sacks Allowed: 112

Wow, USC went and lost to a program that claims a damn tree mascot, and Stanford seems to care for football just slightly more than I care for blunt testicular trauma. It's not even a cool tree like a Sycamore or a Sequoia, it's just "tree." What a bunch of french fried homos. Way to ruin a USC vs. LSU national championship beatdown. (Amazing Box! 4 Picks for John Parker Wilson David Booty)

Speaking of LSU, Nice effin' game! One of the best I've seen. Everyone here needs to personally thank this 12th-year-senior LSU guy for suiting up and saving the SEC's hopes at a national title and making Tim Tebow cry his own tears of non-joy...


Jacob Hester - a middle aged man among boys

Craziness...Did you know that South Florida didn't even field a team back when Vanilla Ice was rollin' down A1A..."BEACHFRONT AVENUE," now they're gonna be top 5. College football is so fubariffic.


"Toss my Top 5 Salad, Saban!"